Monday, January 16, 2006

battling sexes

I have to admit.

I am not as interested in whether or not a man or woman is intelligent, as I am in their ability to eat punani. I can talk politics, art, and express my intellectual side with my friends. I have been with an intelligent man or two. They are usually arrogant and emotionally stunted and I prefer to stay away now.

I am not as interested in someone's heart as I am in their cock. I care less about how someone feels in their heart, than how they feel on the surface. I can cry on my friend's shoulders, I can tell them my innermost fears, I can love them. I have been with emotional men/women and have found them to be shallow, fickle, and moody as fuck, making them dramatic and impossile to deal with.

I am not interested in someone's generosity, kindness, or how "nice" they are to me. I am more interested in whether they are attractive. Yes, I have a life. I have supportive friends all across the country. I have family that I love. I don't need someone to just be "nice" to me, especially if they have ANY expectation in return. ANY. That's manipulation, not kindness. I don't care if you are the nicest guy in the world, you only get one chance to kiss me, and that ONLY if you are actually attractive to me, also. If you waste that chance with your slobber flying everywhere and your tongue digging into my cheek aimlessly

(true story, by the way... you'd think that WIPING DROOL OFF MY FACE AND WIPING IT BACK ONTO HIS WHILE LOOKING ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTED AND SAYING "GROSS" would have been enough of a hint. Alas, no. He dove in to try and slurp on my chin again. I had to turn my head away and ended up avoiding his phone calls. If you can't take a hint I am not going to bother explaining twice. One statement of-"I am too busy, no time for you." should be enough. Do you really want to hear about how repulsive I find you, too?)

I don't care how cool you are, how much of a dork you are, how fat or thin you are, how often you work out, whether you're a vegan or not (except, well , we are NOT eating breakfast in a place without bacon. sorry!) or any other attribute that most people would use as criteria. I appreciate skill and ability to follow direction as well as interest and yes, physical attraction. I usually pick up on the skinny rocker fellas but I have been all over the spectrum, for no apparent reason and without pattern.

Although if you are a physically unattractive person, and yet you don't date physically unattractive people because you feel your "inner beauty" makes up for it---well, fuck you, toad. You have no inner beauty. You don't deserve anyone who looks better than you. I mean it. Whatever your standard is, you better live up to it or you won't get any sympathy, nor do you deserve any play.

I'm not a supermodel. But I am hot as hell. I have a perfect ass and it's got lethal ninja training. I am unconventionally gorgeous. I like the unconventional in others. So---don't ask me why I like you or don't like you. That's my own damn business. But if I don't; don't try to convince me by hanging around and wasting my time. If I'm not into it, you'll know. I will tell you. And if I am inot it, you'll know that too. If only we were all honest instead of "nice" perhaps the battle of the sexes could be fought fairly and with courage! I would like that.

Of course none of this applies to people that I have no intention of EVER fucking. I love and trust and adore and respect and care muchly about my friends-but I wouldn't fuck em. Unless they were gonna die if they didn't get laid---and even then I'd probably go buy em a crack-ho before I'd do it myself. Because THAT is what friends are for.

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