Monday, January 16, 2006

breakfast in eugene

A word about my breakfast proclivities before I begin the reviewing.
I am a canrivore. I value my bacon in the morning. I like to smell it even if I am not in the mood to eat it. It invigorates me and gets me prepared for my day. I also appreciate coffee. I am lazy and confused in the morning so good service is almost more important to me than good food. I am in L-U-V with a vegetarian, which is much easier than being around a vegan in the morning, since they can eat eggs and such. I think vegans should quit pretending to eat breakfast at all. A stirfry of tempeh and peppers does not mean breakfast! Just give up already, vegans. You are eating LUNCH. It's okay, but quit making really crappy seaweed blobs and pretending it's biscuits and gravy. It just ruins it for the rest of us.

that said, here are my choices....

1. Brail's. --- The service here is amazing. Ian will bring you whatever you need even before you need it. If you get there really early you can get the student breakfast which is like two bucks and has all the necessaries-eggs, toast, bacon, etc... also, Joy, the owner, has the best memory for names and faces. If you go there more than once she will know all about you and what you like and ask how your mom is doing. I would recommend either the french toast sampler or the chicken fried steak. I haven't had a good chicken fried steak anywhere else in the northwest. It's boring, simple, perfect, and as wholesome as breaded beef can get. Brail's is cheap, friendly, and plenty greasy enough to satisfy anybody.

2. The Glenwood. I eat here a lot because I live nearby. But the food isn't very good. The benedict is greasy and quite often my potatoes are undercooked to the point of being crunchy(!) also their "fruit plate" is usually just a big hunk of one kind of fruit. They rarely make it an assembly of fruits. The toast is underdone and the service is slow but nice...about the only good thing about this place is to sit outside and drink cup after cup of their excellent coffee. Also, the cheesecake is good, but that's not really breakfast. Now that I think about it I started going here when I was dating a vegan because they serve some kind of breakfast-free breakfast dish and they also have bacon, so it was a compromise of sorts...needless to say that relationship did NOT last. But the "say cheese" on the menu is always good, though. And their bacon rocks.

3. Morning Glory. Gross. I know it's handmade organic bread but it tastes like
mush to me. It's dry and heavy and everything good bread should NOT be. I will refrain from commenting on the sham of having almost all vegan menus in a breakfast restaurant and serving only scrambled eggs- and confine myself instead to ranting about the terrible idea of having one communal area for people to SERVE THEMSELVES THEIR OWN COFFEE. Now, in the morning, before I've had coffee, I should not be carrying around full pots of said liquid, or trying to pour it. It is DANGEROUS. I could scald my arm at home for FREE, thank you very much. I go out to eat so that SOMEONE ELSE will wait on me and pour the hot liquids. I hate the morning glory. Plus, it's awkwardly expensive.

4. Wild Thyme. This place is next to the bus station. I would never have thought they have good cheap breakfast and a pleasant and hilarious atmosphere, but they do. Their eggs are perfect every time I go there. There are no bums near the place in the morning. And the toast- ah, rye that is actually properly toasted. There's nothing like it. The service is the best ever. They will refilll your coffee once it is down enough to no longer be the right color, but not before, and they will keep it coming until even MY steel bladder says when. Yes.

5. Studio One. Every one of my friends says their french toast is amazing. It certainly LOOKS amazing, but I always get the Cajun Benedict. All of the Bendicts are great. I love the Homer Simpson's Benedict. Benedict, benedict, benedict. They will bring you extra benedict. Yes, benedict. They serve them all day and don't discriminate against late risers by ceasing the flow of benedict at 2 or some stupid crap like that. The coffee is perfect. The place is nice and clean. They have newspapers. They have pictures of WC Fields and stuff. And it's great food. Did I mention the benedict?

6. Mexican Breakfast. I don't even know the name of this place but it's right by the next place on this list. I like this place on morning when I am capable of carrying my food on a tray. This is rare. When it happens it is worth it to go to mexican breakfast because it is spicy and there is some weird corn bread stuff that's fried that I really like. Sami says this place is called cafe sienna but I don't know if that's right. The service is self-serve, which I do not like, but if you know about mexico more than me and like that food you will probably like it. Plus it's cheap.

7. Cafe Roma. This place doesn't technically have "breakfast" but they have ham and egg and cheese bagels and croissants. I like the coffee here but I always feel vaguely uncomfortable as if the mexican guys behind the counter are saying snide things about me. The service takes FOREVER. Because they are busy saying snide things about me. But like I said it's good croissants and if you just want something light it's the place to go. Plus you can then walk past Starfucks with your cup from a REAL coffee shop and sneer and say snide things about the idiots sitting outside there.

8. Denny's/ IHOP/ Perkin's/ Carrow's etc etc etc
These places are only good if you and your recently-divorced best friend are up all night trying to figure out why, why, why she did this to him. At four in the morning the waitresses at these crap joints can be lifesavers for guys like that so go ahead and take him there. Just don't expect a decent breakfast. These are places to take other people's unwanted burdensome problems and also good places to break up in. That's about all. Oh also if you are so drunk that you must put your face in your food IHOP is good. I passed out at Denny's one night with my face in my "moons over my hammy" and they let me nap there for about an hour. I didn't even tip.

9. Keystone. More garbage from vegans who can't cook to save their lives. Sorry but I can throw together better sloop than this at home, including the watery coffee. "organic" and "healthy" is not an excuse for "tastes like shit."

If you can think of more, post and I will review them.

1 comment:

Timothy Steven Clarke said...

Geez, my toast at Glenwood is almost always burnt. And the raspberry jam isn't as good as it used to be back in the day. You're right tho, the coffee is good. Plus they play good jazz on the radio - that and the coffee make it hands down the best place to eat breakfast for me.

If you want a great croissant, Eugene City Bakery on 19th is the closest thing I've tasted to the real deal; what I remember eating in France. Good coffee there too.